i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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