Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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