Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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