Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
