Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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