did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
