Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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