my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
