I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
