So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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