Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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