Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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