there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
