just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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