Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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