Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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