No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
