your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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