This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
