So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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