Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
