can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
