So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
