dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
