so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
