So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
