hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
