i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
