Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
