I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They took my balls.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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