a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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