I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
