i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
