My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
