I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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