Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
