Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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