Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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