i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i think i scared a bird with my dick
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
