It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
