I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
