Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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