Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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