after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
