Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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