When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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