I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
