I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
