He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
