So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
