they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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