i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
