the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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