Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
