"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
