My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
